The phrase "We will never forget" became, for lack of a better term, the catch phrase (and battle cry) after the attacks on America on 9/11. The phrase is often used to memorialize a lost loved one. You can see it transfered on the back windows of vehicles with the date of a loss. The phrase evokes emotion. It shows the value and the importance of what was lost. To me, the phrase highlights the importance of a memory whether it be of a specific person or event. When I was thinking about our infertility journey, this phrase seemed especially appropriate.
Some people think that our infertility journey is over because we adopted. When in fact, it really isn't. We still deal with the consequences of our decisions made during the journey. We still deal with insensitive comments made by people. We still wonder how we are going to add to our family in a couple of years, but mostly with great anticipation. Liam is a beautiful miracle, a conclusion to a series of amazingly choreographed events.
Because we recognize the importance and value of our journey, we have made a conscious effort not to forget. People who are struggling with infertility or are interested in adoption often cross our paths. After bringing Liam home from the hospital, Billy shared that one of our nurses told him that she and her husband had just underwent another unsuccessful treatment cycle and were considering adoption. She asked him what agency we went through and a few questions about the process. Family and friends know that we welcome having people referred to us. We want people who are dealing with infertility to know that they are not alone. We want to show them God's love. Feelings of loss, abandonment by God, jealousy, lack of peace, disappointment, and the whole gamete of emotions one feels on the rollercoaster of infertility put such a strain on a couple. There's nothing like having someone come along side of you to say,"I know how you feel-I've been there. I'll listen. I'll support. I'll advise. You tell me what you need, when you need it."
We were fortunate to have those support people in our lives. Some of them were infertility survivors. However, we were surprised that not every infertility survivor does this. There are those who seem to forget their struggle. It seems to happen most with some couples who are blessed with biological children. Maybe the struggle was too great for them to rehash. Maybe life had become too busy.Or, maybe they felt that it was too painful for a childless couple to be around their newly expanded family. I'm not judging by any means, and this is not directed to anyone. We have known LOTS of couples directly and indirectly who have struggled with infertility, and to our knowledge, there has been a small percentage who don't reach out to those still struggling. As a Christian, I believe that we go through struggles so that we can help others. However, that's my opinion.
All that said, I want to pose a challenge for those infertility survivors who are on the other side of the journey (who have either had biological children or have decided to remain a family of two): please never forget! If you see a someone/couple struggling with infertility, reach out your hand of support. What you have is invaluable-you can relate! Don't you remember how you felt when you discovered that in an individual, when you were hurting?
God, please help us to be sensitive to the needs of others. Help us to intentionally look for those who need your love and support. Please give us the knowledge and strength to get out of our comfort zone. Thank you for loving us and never abandoning us. Help us to show that love. In Jesus' name.
"We Will Never Forget!"
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