Liam's first year-God's Faithfulness

I can't believe I'm finally getting on here-after a very long hiatus! I have so much to share about this year with Liam, and what God has been teaching our family of three lately.  Some of what I'm about to share, may be a little shocking. Some may consider a bit personal. After our nearly 10 year journey to achieve a family, dealing with doctors, treatments, support groups, and life in general, almost nothing seems too personal anymore lol. As mentioned before, I/we do reserve the right at this time not to discuss in detail our previous treatments and various aspects of our open adoption. My hope is that anyone who stumbles upon this blog will glean the following:  an empathy for couples dealing with infertility, and a deeper understanding/appreciation of the gift of adoption; (on a spiritiual level) God has a unique adventure/plan for your life, and it's greater than your wildest dreams; in the process, He will allow uncomfortable circumstances to grow us-the goal to become more like Him! No matter how challenging, never, never give up!

Everyone has a degree of stick to itness. Sometimes we stick to or hold on to unhealthy habits. I've blogged before about my battle with anxiety.  This year was jam packed with worrisome scenarios. It's natural to worry about the health of your newborn, the transition back to work, etc., but when intense situations occur that are completely out of one's control, things are bumped up a notch on the worry-meter!  During the first couple of months of the school year, there were some major concerns regarding Billy's health.  For months, he had been smelling cigarette smoke when it wasn't there (phantom smells), and he finally went to the doctor. Our primary care told him there was a chance that he had a tumor in his brain or on his olifactory nerve in his nose.  After seeing a specialist, having an MRI done, and awaiting results, we finally learned that it was sinus infection and not a tumor causing this strange symptom.  For months, I had worried about Billy, had insomnia, and cried holding Liam. I was convinced that we would be getting ready for brain surgery-I'm not kidding, this consumed me! I prayed about it fervently, consistently. It wasn't until the tumor was ruled out, and Billy's sinus surgery was over in October that I started to relax. Temporarily.

In December, Liam developed two awful looking boils. One on his groin area, and another on his chest. Two doctors confirmed that they felt the boil on his chest was MRSA, and treated him accordingly. We have no idea how Liam contracted MRSA, but we were informed that it is much more prevalent than most people think.  My germaphobia kicked into high gear. We washed clothes in warm water, sprayed Lysol like it was going out of style, washed towels after one use, and began bathing him in Hibicleanse. I washed my hands until they cracked. Biting my nails, an already disgusting habit of mine, became even more disgusting. Thank God Liam recovered at home with the prescribed antibiotics in time to enjoy the holidays, and he hasn't had a reoccurance.

In January, we were blessed with the move of my parents from Redding to Chico. Mom has watched Liam half of the week, and it has been amazing to have my parents in the same neighborhood literally! They have been a huge support as each bump in the road has happened. I thank God everyday for it, and the consistent reminder of how they raised me.  Despite the anxiety and stress, the truths of my youth play as a recording in my head-"He will never leave you nor forsake you." "I know the plans I have for you says the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  They have been words of comfort through this whole year as well as our most recent trial. 

Shortly after Liam was born, I began experiencing some very strange symptoms. I chocked it up to minimal sleep, stress, and my system being out of wack since my treatment days. I put it on the back burner with all that was going on, and when a few more symptoms were added into the mix recently, I knew that I shouldn't ignore it anymore. I was very convinced that something very serious, and life threatening was looming. Last Thursday, my doctor spent an hour and half with Billy and me, and did an ultrasound. I was happy to learn that I am going to be okay. The harsh reality is that I'm undergoing some hormonal changes that I would like to think that I was too young to experience, but alas, I'm not lol. I've been giving a prescription and advice to embetter the quality of my life.   We will see if I'll be back to normal as my doctor promised-I think I'm beyond that!

In light of this change, I'm not sure where this leaves us with our family planning. Billy and I would like to extend our family in the not too distant future. If it happened through a natural pregnancy, we would not only be thrilled but it is becoming more and more apparent that that would truly be a miracle. God's still in the miracle making business, so we aren't writing that off! We have talked about adopting again.  We have such great respect for our birthmother, and we both feel we could never thank her enough for the blessing of Liam. She moved out of state, across the country back in April. Prior to her move, we had a visitation. We assured her that we would continue to provide pictures quarterly, and we would keep in touch. We haven't heard from her since her move. I really hope she's getting acclimated to things, and that she knows in her heart that Liam is treasured, loved, and well cared for. 

When I think about how the adoption of Liam came about, I get excited. I know that He's put the desire for more children in mine and Billy's hearts, and someday it will come to fruition. I know that even though things may seem stagnate now, there's a chance that He's moving people and scenarios behind the scenes. I'm hopeful that more blessings are in store.  That makes the waiting room of life a little more bearable.

***New 6/19/2012  Below is a link for an Inferility survey. The purpose of the survey is to provide me with useful information for a very unique, innovative book that I am hoping to write on the subject matter. The survey is confidential, and you can skip any questions. After taking the survey, please post a link on your FB to "Liam's first year-God's Faithfulness." Include with it the little descripion that I've posted here (feel free to include my name), and strongly encourage your friends to help me out. I think people who don't know me may be interested in the survey, especially if they know it's research for a book, that it's confidential, and questions can be skipped. Thank you all for your support!

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/N3QNW6H