I Didn't Want to Believe

When we had just joined our adoption program last summer, there was one person I just HAD to tell-my dear friend L. Though we have never met face to face (we met through my sister in law, Rachel), we had so much in common. She and her husband went through years of trying, treatments, and disappointments. The one difference-she was able to get pregnant with her son. However, later, when they attempted to have a second child, they learned that God had a different plan. He laid on their hearts the desire for them to adopt. When I called her that day, she offered me a unique perspective that I didn't want to believe: that people tend to be much happier hearing pregnancy news than adoption news. When they were waiting to adopt, some of her friends had gone as far as saying things like "well, maybe now you'll get pregnant." I just didn't want to believe that people could react in such a way. "Certainly it would be different for us," I thought. I mean, our family and friends know how long we have prayed for and desired a child. They know the great measures we've gone to expand our family. When our bundle of joy arrived in the non-traditional way, I expected nothing but ecstatic responses from friends and acquaintances. For the most part, I was right, but not completely.


There was an event that forshadowed our news would not be received as we had anticipated. I had rehearsed over and over in my head how I would explain to my high school students that Billy and I were expecting through adoption. Finally the day came, but reality did not measure up to my vision. When I told my first period class, half way through my exciting news, a usually shy female student said,"Do you mean that there's something wrong with you and your husband medically and you can't get pregnant?" I was thrown a bit off guard. I guess I didn't expect our infertility to be the focus. I told her that doctors weren't able to determine why we couldn't have children, but that I felt there was different plan for us, adoption. I tried my best to explain how excited we were, and I even used it as a teachable moment, explaining," When someone tells you about a pending adoption, it's like they're pregnant. You should tell them congratulations." After class several students, stopped by and wished me their best.


I proceeded to tell my second period class. When a student interrupted my monologue with, "You're going to tell us your pregnant, aren't you?" I responded,"No, but just as exciting news. My husband and I are expecting through adoption." He said flatly,"That's not the same." Again, I was blown away! I went on to explain that it was just as exciting news as a pregnancy, and what was the proper, mannerly way to respond to such news. By the time my third period class rolled around, I felt beat up lol. I thought,"How could one of the happiest things that have ever happened to us be received so poorily? It isn't fair!" But, something different happened during my monologue to my third period class: a group of female students got the biggest smiles on their faces, and all of a sudden, claps erupted, and a wave swept over the rest of my class-the entire class was clapping for our news! What did I do? Cry, of course lol. I was so touched by their response-they got it! But, why did they get it and the others didn't?


I shared with my partner teacher later in the day what it had been like sharing our adoption news. I told her how amazed I was by the flat responses of some of my students, but T put into perspective. She reminded me that many of our students probably don't have family members who were adopted, and the may not know of anyone who was adopted. They base their knowledge and opinions on their experience. I couldn't really expect too much from them. As a teacher, I really should have realized that.


But that was high school students-our adoption news would be received by adult friends warmly and enthusiasticly, right? I didn't want to believe what L told me could possibly be true. I have posted adoption news on my Facebook status at each crossroad: our decision to adopt, entering the adoption program, being matched to our birthmom, Liam's birth, etc. For the most part, each piece of news has been received well according to the responses. However, I'm surprised by the number of responses in terms of the numbers of "friends" that I have. I'm also surprised that a small number of people we have shared our hearts with during our journey, haven't even made an effort to congratulate us. I know everyone is busy, but people who I really thought would "get it," have been amazingly quiet. Maybe some people are like my students-they don't know people who have been involved in the adoption process. Some are Christians, and I thought they would at least be able to relate on a spiritual level. There isn't a better picture of adoption than God's adoption of believers into His family...Maybe I'm extra sensitive...


In sharing feelings that I have had, Billy has helped put it all into perspective. It doesn't matter what others think, what they say (or don't say), or what they do in terms of OUR adoption. We followed God's tugging on our heart strings, and because of it, we have the most amazing, beautiful, perfect baby boy we could have ever imagined. We have been blessed!