There were times when he asked "Is Everything Beautiful?," and I was tempted to give him a grocery list of reasons why it wasn't. I came so close to saying something like, "Actually, Grandpa, I'm pretty stressed out. Life is crazy. I'm not sure I can keep the plates spinning. I don't know if we'll ever have kids. I don't know if I'll ever be able to get pregnant..." There was always something that stopped me from my rant. Deep down I knew that I am blessed: God loves me despite my faults, I have a wonderful, loving husband (who has the patience of Job), I am surrounded by loving, supportive family and friends, and I have my health (though I'm often convinced that I don't. A little hypochondria humor).
The holidays are still a struggle for me. Each year I hope and I pray that this is our last childless Christmas. There is such a temptation to resort to a pity party. Instead of falling into that pit, I am trying to focus on what I have to be thankful for instead of what I do not have. That is the key to being content. Life does seem more beautiful when you are content. When I am alone, I try not to think about how lonely I may feel or how disappointed I am that our spare bedrooms aren't filled to the brim with kiddos. I am trying to appreciate the quiet moments I have to reflect upon my day and to talk to God. As I snuggle into my recliner with a cup of peppermint tea, away from the craziness of the holiday season, I am overcome with the feeling that "everything's beautiful." By the way, my grandpa's primary catch phrase was "Christ Is the Answer." My Grandpa Louie was a very wise man.
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