Boys and girls, the word of the day is "networking." When you hear the word "networking" I need you to scream really loud. It looks like we will be doing the same type of footwork to jump start the adoption as with our new business venture (ACN)-"networking!" AAAAAAAUUUUUGHHHHHH! (I know you're screaming really loud right now to humor me even though we are miles apart-j/k!) Can you not tell that I'm a product of the 80's and 90's? A little nod to Pee Wee's Playhouse. I know more of you watched it than will admit to it...Anyways, yesterday Billy and I met with the director of our adoption program in order to get an update on the current status of our wait.
We have been within the program for five months, and we wanted to know the following things: Have new birthmothers joined the program? How many times has our profile been shown to birthmothers? Has anything within our profile been a turn off to the birthmothers? The director informed us that since we have joined the program, only a few birthmothers have joined. In fact, there seems to be a bit of a shortage of birthmothers. Nobody knows why that is the case. I wondered if less babies were born during the winter months or maybe more birthmothers keep their babies during the holidays. It's anybody's best guess. Since it is so quiet, the director said that the program is doing lots of outreach to connect with potential birthmothers in surrounding areas. She also informed us that our profile has been shown twice. It is hard for us to know this, and realize we were not chosen. However, she said birthmothers often select couples based off little things that struck them about a prospective adoptive couple. For example, maybe the husband and wife are dancers and the birthmother was a dancer. Maybe the birthmother grew up riding quads and the adoptive couple enjoys the hobby. You never know what will strike a chord. Lastly, the director confirmed that there has been nothing within our profile that has been a turn off to birthmothers-to which we were relieved!
During our meeting, Billy and I realized why this part of our journey is particularly hard. We have felt that there isn't much we can do aside from waiting for that phone call (that we've been matched). However, the director said we could also be networking on our own: talking to our family and friends-having them spread the word for us. Networking! Our adoption program will continue to hang fliers at surrounding colleges, contact other clinics, and notify other organizations of us. With all this networking, something is bound to happen!
Family and friends, as you know, our adoption is NOT a secret. Please spread the word that we are attempting to locate a birthmother. If you hear about a friend of a friend of a friend's grand daughter who is pregnant and considering adoption (for example), let me know. We understand that these scenarios often do not work out; the majority of the time the birthmother will change her mind. However, you never know! You may end up being the one God uses to help coordinate our adoption! It gives me shivers just to think about it! As always, thank you for your continued prayers and well wishes as we journey on to our destination-life with baby!
Friday, February 25, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
He Works in Mysterious Ways
Ever since I was little, I remember hearing the phrase "the Lord works in mysterious ways." Various times in my life I've seen that. The fact that Billy's life path and my life path even crossed is a miracle. The way that Billy ended up doing mortgage banking...The way God has provided me with teaching positions when the job outlook was bleak...I believe our most recent miracle happened this week. No, we did not get the call we've been craving :(, but I believe this latest "God thing" is preparation for it.
About two weeks ago, I was thinking about many of the working moms that I know who do such an excellent job balancing their outside-of-home careers, child rearing, and other home-making responsibilities. I have been so blessed to be surrounded by women that I love and respect for they are truly superwomen. However, I know that for many working moms, it is a struggle to leave their children with a care provider. I understand that many women especially in today's economy have to work outside of the home in order to survive financially. My mother was a stay at home mom, but I have never thought much about it because of my desire to have a career. Plus, times are different. As I pondered all this, I began to think about the great lengths (over 8+yrs!) we have gone to extend our family, and for what-to have someone else raise the baby?! I began to experience a very deep sadness (and guilt) already about my plan to work after our baby arrives.
I shared this with Billy, and I asked him if there was a possiblity that I could stay home with the baby and eventually return to work a few years later. He assured me that he would look into our financial situation a little further, and he would let me know. Two days later, I asked him what he thought about the whole thing. He informed me that he thought he had found a solution. A childhood friend approached him that day about a potential business venture that Billy (with my help) can easily take on in addition to his current job. It will take lots of extra work, but there is lots of potential to make residual income. At first, I was VERY skeptical, but then I looked into the company's reputation, and I have been thoroughly impressed by it. Donald Trump himself has so much admiration for the company, known as ACN, that he has offered to purchase it, but the owners refused to sell. ACN is a telecommunication company in which representatives sell services such us phone, cable, online, and eventually energy! In fact, Billy has "jumped in with both feet"; he flew out to North Carolina this weekend to attend a huge conference and to tour their 16 acre facilities!
I have to admit that I was not supportive of him taking on a second job, but that was before I became aware of the company's reputation. However, I find the timing of it all VERY interesting, and I can't help but wonder if this isn't another way God is going to provide for us as we get ready for baby! It may be years before I'm able to stay home with our children-yes, we will probably adopt a second baby eventually. I'm trusting that He is working out all the details as I write this.
About two weeks ago, I was thinking about many of the working moms that I know who do such an excellent job balancing their outside-of-home careers, child rearing, and other home-making responsibilities. I have been so blessed to be surrounded by women that I love and respect for they are truly superwomen. However, I know that for many working moms, it is a struggle to leave their children with a care provider. I understand that many women especially in today's economy have to work outside of the home in order to survive financially. My mother was a stay at home mom, but I have never thought much about it because of my desire to have a career. Plus, times are different. As I pondered all this, I began to think about the great lengths (over 8+yrs!) we have gone to extend our family, and for what-to have someone else raise the baby?! I began to experience a very deep sadness (and guilt) already about my plan to work after our baby arrives.
I shared this with Billy, and I asked him if there was a possiblity that I could stay home with the baby and eventually return to work a few years later. He assured me that he would look into our financial situation a little further, and he would let me know. Two days later, I asked him what he thought about the whole thing. He informed me that he thought he had found a solution. A childhood friend approached him that day about a potential business venture that Billy (with my help) can easily take on in addition to his current job. It will take lots of extra work, but there is lots of potential to make residual income. At first, I was VERY skeptical, but then I looked into the company's reputation, and I have been thoroughly impressed by it. Donald Trump himself has so much admiration for the company, known as ACN, that he has offered to purchase it, but the owners refused to sell. ACN is a telecommunication company in which representatives sell services such us phone, cable, online, and eventually energy! In fact, Billy has "jumped in with both feet"; he flew out to North Carolina this weekend to attend a huge conference and to tour their 16 acre facilities!
I have to admit that I was not supportive of him taking on a second job, but that was before I became aware of the company's reputation. However, I find the timing of it all VERY interesting, and I can't help but wonder if this isn't another way God is going to provide for us as we get ready for baby! It may be years before I'm able to stay home with our children-yes, we will probably adopt a second baby eventually. I'm trusting that He is working out all the details as I write this.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
An Update of Sorts
So I wish I was writing that we had received "the call," but no such news :(. However, there has been a recent development within our adoption program. (And if it hadn't been for our constant curiousity and OCD-ness, we would have missed it-at least for a little while...) For the past week, I have been repeatedly checking the website of our adoption program. On the website are pictures and "adoption updates" of the 12 couples in the program. Nothing had changed, until yesterday!
When I called Billy on my way in from Willows, he informed me that he had visited the website, and he noticed that there was a new couple's pic. However, there were still 12 couples in the program. In other words, it appears as if a baby has been placed in a couples' home since the program only keeps 12 couples in it at a time. Plus, there's another section of the website that lists couples who have had babies placed, and the most recent placement month shown was November for a certain couple. Prior to yesterday, the most recent placement month had been October. So if my deductive skills serve me correctly, this is the couple that has most recently adopted. And, that is why there is a new couple in the program.
The way Billy and I responded to this was quite different. My initial reaction was "thank, goodness! They ARE recruiting birthmoms. Things ARE happening behind the scenes." Billy's reaction was "I wonder why we weren't the ones picked..." Billy is always a very optimistic, glass is half full type of guy, so this took me a little off guard; however, I think I know why he went there. He is so dang competitive! The couple was much older than us, so he wondered why a birthmom would pick an older couple. He continued his thinking out loud "maybe it was this or that." I told him that I am feeling at peace about this. There may have been a tinge of disappointment, but I told him that I really feel that God has the perfect birthmom and future child already picked out for us. Plus, I went on to say, who knows, maybe that baby was going to grow up to be a brat lol. You never know!
Despite our different reactions over Friday's news, I do believe this: more than any other time in our journey, I feel that we are united by our love, by our feelings (about the journey, the process, waiting, etc.), and by our trust. (Proverbs 3:5-6) I can't wait to share when it does! When IT does happen, you will be hard pressed to find someone in Chico (or someone who has internet access) that will not be informed of our news!
When I called Billy on my way in from Willows, he informed me that he had visited the website, and he noticed that there was a new couple's pic. However, there were still 12 couples in the program. In other words, it appears as if a baby has been placed in a couples' home since the program only keeps 12 couples in it at a time. Plus, there's another section of the website that lists couples who have had babies placed, and the most recent placement month shown was November for a certain couple. Prior to yesterday, the most recent placement month had been October. So if my deductive skills serve me correctly, this is the couple that has most recently adopted. And, that is why there is a new couple in the program.
The way Billy and I responded to this was quite different. My initial reaction was "thank, goodness! They ARE recruiting birthmoms. Things ARE happening behind the scenes." Billy's reaction was "I wonder why we weren't the ones picked..." Billy is always a very optimistic, glass is half full type of guy, so this took me a little off guard; however, I think I know why he went there. He is so dang competitive! The couple was much older than us, so he wondered why a birthmom would pick an older couple. He continued his thinking out loud "maybe it was this or that." I told him that I am feeling at peace about this. There may have been a tinge of disappointment, but I told him that I really feel that God has the perfect birthmom and future child already picked out for us. Plus, I went on to say, who knows, maybe that baby was going to grow up to be a brat lol. You never know!
Despite our different reactions over Friday's news, I do believe this: more than any other time in our journey, I feel that we are united by our love, by our feelings (about the journey, the process, waiting, etc.), and by our trust. (Proverbs 3:5-6) I can't wait to share when it does! When IT does happen, you will be hard pressed to find someone in Chico (or someone who has internet access) that will not be informed of our news!
Saturday, January 22, 2011
A song that struck me yesterday...
You know how you won't hear a song for months or years, then you hear it, and it seems totally appropriate for what you're going through? I love when that happens! I really feel that's one way God speaks to us, and lets us know He is there right along with us. It happened to me last night when we were driving to Chili's for dinner. I was in the Murano listening to my Jesus Freak cd which has the song "Mind's Eye" on it. I'm posting the awesome lyrics simply because they do an excellent job explaining why we should have faith in God in the midst of any trial we are going through. Hope this touches others like it has touched me!
Mind's Eye (old school-DC Talk)
(In my mind, I can see Your face
As your love pours down in a shower of grace
Some people tell me You're just a dream
My faith is the evidence of things unseen)
In my mind's eye, in my mind's eye
In my mind's eye, in my mind
You know what I'm going through
I know this is true
'Cause you've stood in my shoes
Desires inside of me
But it's hard to believe in what you cannot see
Can you catch the wind?
See a breeze?
Its presence is revealed by
The leaves on a tree
An image of my faith in the unseen
(chorus)
In my mind's eye
I see Your face
You smile as you show me grace
In my mind's eye
You take my hand
We walk through foreign lands
The foreign lands of life
In my mind's eye, in my mind's eye
In my mind's eye, in my mind
In my mind I'm where I belong
As I rest in your arms
And like a child I hold on to you
In my moment of truth, yes I do
We can ride the storm
Endure the pain
You comfort me in the hurricane
And I'll never be alone again
(repeat chorus 2x)
In my mind's eye, in my mind's eye
In my mind's eye, in my mind
In my mind I can see Your face
Love pours down in a shower of grace
Life is a gift that You choose to give
I believe we eternally live
Faith is the evidence of things unseen
People tell me that You're just a dream
But they don't know You the way that I do
You're the one I live to pursue
Can you catch the wind?
(Can you see God, have you ever seen Him?
I've seen the wind
But I've never seen the wind)
Can you see the breeze?
(There's a mystery to it)
(repeat chorus)
In my mind's eye, in my mind's eye
(I see You there again)
In my mind's eye, in my mind's eye
(I know You'll meet me there my Friend)
In my mind's eye, in my mind's eye
(I know You're there, I can touch You there)
In my mind's eye, in my mind's eye
(I want You there, I need You there, I see You there, I know You Care)
(And I believe, and I believe, and I believe)
Mind's Eye (old school-DC Talk)
(In my mind, I can see Your face
As your love pours down in a shower of grace
Some people tell me You're just a dream
My faith is the evidence of things unseen)
In my mind's eye, in my mind's eye
In my mind's eye, in my mind
You know what I'm going through
I know this is true
'Cause you've stood in my shoes
Desires inside of me
But it's hard to believe in what you cannot see
Can you catch the wind?
See a breeze?
Its presence is revealed by
The leaves on a tree
An image of my faith in the unseen
(chorus)
In my mind's eye
I see Your face
You smile as you show me grace
In my mind's eye
You take my hand
We walk through foreign lands
The foreign lands of life
In my mind's eye, in my mind's eye
In my mind's eye, in my mind
In my mind I'm where I belong
As I rest in your arms
And like a child I hold on to you
In my moment of truth, yes I do
We can ride the storm
Endure the pain
You comfort me in the hurricane
And I'll never be alone again
(repeat chorus 2x)
In my mind's eye, in my mind's eye
In my mind's eye, in my mind
In my mind I can see Your face
Love pours down in a shower of grace
Life is a gift that You choose to give
I believe we eternally live
Faith is the evidence of things unseen
People tell me that You're just a dream
But they don't know You the way that I do
You're the one I live to pursue
Can you catch the wind?
(Can you see God, have you ever seen Him?
I've seen the wind
But I've never seen the wind)
Can you see the breeze?
(There's a mystery to it)
(repeat chorus)
In my mind's eye, in my mind's eye
(I see You there again)
In my mind's eye, in my mind's eye
(I know You'll meet me there my Friend)
In my mind's eye, in my mind's eye
(I know You're there, I can touch You there)
In my mind's eye, in my mind's eye
(I want You there, I need You there, I see You there, I know You Care)
(And I believe, and I believe, and I believe)
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Half way through our wait?
At this point, we are about five and a half months through our wait. In order to be part of our adoption program, waiting couples such as ourselves pay a one year membership fee. However, upon our enterance, we were informed that the average couple usually waits six to nine months. Based on this, one would assume we are about half way through our wait. Only God knows.
To me, this is the rough part of the wait. It's quiet, and we haven't heard any updates from our program in a while. Still, whenever the phone rings, we jump. Billy and I cope differently. I have melancholy days such as today. You should have seen me try to get through baby dedications at church. For a few moments, I imagined what our pastor might say about our journey, our family sitting in the pews, and the intense joy we would feel. Stupid, stupid me lol. I felt tears escaping my eyes. Immediately I began to back paddle. I began thinking about some silly thing I saw on television. Thank God I was able to pull myself together.
I talked to Billy about it later, and he was aware that I had struggled during the service. He explained again his method of coping. We have done everything we can. The rest is out of our hands. We must completely surrender. God is in control. It's not easy for either one of us, and I feel that I'm starting to lose stamina at this point in the journey. I definitely feel that I need my strength renewed, and I'm fully aware that I can't do that on my own. Please join me in praying for the following: that we completely trust in His plan; less emotional breakdowns (Heather); and a clear perspective regarding what we must accomplish daily; and gratitude for what we have. Thank you in advance for your prayers!
To me, this is the rough part of the wait. It's quiet, and we haven't heard any updates from our program in a while. Still, whenever the phone rings, we jump. Billy and I cope differently. I have melancholy days such as today. You should have seen me try to get through baby dedications at church. For a few moments, I imagined what our pastor might say about our journey, our family sitting in the pews, and the intense joy we would feel. Stupid, stupid me lol. I felt tears escaping my eyes. Immediately I began to back paddle. I began thinking about some silly thing I saw on television. Thank God I was able to pull myself together.
I talked to Billy about it later, and he was aware that I had struggled during the service. He explained again his method of coping. We have done everything we can. The rest is out of our hands. We must completely surrender. God is in control. It's not easy for either one of us, and I feel that I'm starting to lose stamina at this point in the journey. I definitely feel that I need my strength renewed, and I'm fully aware that I can't do that on my own. Please join me in praying for the following: that we completely trust in His plan; less emotional breakdowns (Heather); and a clear perspective regarding what we must accomplish daily; and gratitude for what we have. Thank you in advance for your prayers!
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
"How Do You Do It?"
It's Christmas Vacation, and I am sitting at my computer typing away at 6:20 a.m. I woke up a bit ago with something pretty deep on my mind. Try as I could, I tossed and turned, unable to return to the land of jumping sheep and happy places. Finally, I gave up the tug of war. I allowed myself to ponder the deep thought that awoke me: "how do I do it?" I have been asked this question numerous times over the years of our eight year struggle to have a family. As I thought through each coping strategy, tears welled up in my eyes. At this point, I knew God wanted me up this morning writing. Maybe this blog is meant to be therapeutic for me. Maybe there's a strategy that I haven't used in a while that I need to implement. There's also a possibility that my blog may somehow encourage someone going through a difficult time, possibly infertility. The latter reason was what got me out of bed. The following list can be appropriately entitled "How Heather Does It: facing Infertility and Other Disappointments."
1. All things are possible with God. Handsdown the only way that I have been able to get through, infertility, loss, and other stressful, life altering events is through my faith in God. I am always reminded that God will never give us more than we can handle. I use to think, "Wow, God really thinks I'm a strong person. Otherwise He wouldn't have allowed me to go through infertility, loss, etc." In those moments I was tempted to become a little proud. Now I realize that He doesn't give us more than we can handle when we rely completely on Him. Surrendering to God is the key. Is it easy? No, do I still struggle with it? Yes, all the time! I think one of the best literary pieces that expresses this concept is the Footprints poem. Remember how there was just one set of footprints in the end? It's not because God got out of Dodge because the going was tough. He carries us through the difficult times! He wants to keep doing that for us!
2. "Talk to me". I think God feels that way about us. He wants us to talk to Him. He sees us fretting about situations, and instead of reopening the lines of communication with Him, we talk to others. (Not that God doesn't want us to do that too, but He should be our preference, the first person we go to in times of trouble.) During our struggle, I have been so angry with God that I had no desire to talk to Him. I was so hurt over unanswered prayer. As Christians, we cannot allow these feelings to fester and to develop a pattern in our life. It can ruin our relationship with God! I know; I've been there! I cannot encourage you enough that if you're there, you need to try to mend the relationship! How can that be done? I can only tell you what has worked for me. When too broken to pray, I journaled prayers to God. Somehow that was easier than speaking them. That helped re-open the lines of communication on my end. Then I would read the Bible and listen to sermons in order to hear what God had to say to me. Lastly, I allowed myself to be in a quiet place free from tv, people, and other distractions to reflect upon what I had read or heard. Sometimes God's voice is a quiet one (remember the story of Elijah?), so it's important to be quiet and listen for Him.
3. I chose wisely eleven years ago. I cannot state and reiterate enough the importance of choosing a spouse. In Billy I have found someone who is my partner (sometimes in crime-ha, just kidding), my best friend, a comforter, and a pep talker! If you know him, he is a cup- is- half full- type of guy. If you know me, you realize he is my polar opposite. I cannot imagine life being married to anyone else, or someone resembling myself-I would be in jail for murder lol!. Seriously, God knew what He was doing when he matched us up. As corny as it sounds, he completes me. My realism and his optimism somehow "works."
4. My peeps are the tops. It has also helped me tremendously to have the loving support of family and friends. The love of my family has been unconditional. I know that this struggle has been hard on every family member on some level-particularly on my parents and especially on my mom. If you know my mom, she is the ideal mom. Some of my friends joked that she was like June Cleaver. She always knew exactly what to say to make things better. However, dealing with our infertility has not been easy for her. Mom and I are so much a like, but in this one area of my life, there's no way she (or anyone else who hasn't experienced infertility first hand) can truly empathize. I use to get so mad when people said the wrong thing or made me feel uncomfortable, including the people closest to me! It would hurt me to the core, and I would tell my mom about it. She would sympathize, but she always reminded me of the importance of grace. In addition, I have been incredibly blessed to have many dear friends along with me during this journey. Some are old friends, though we are separated by miles, they make their presence known by shooting me an email or writing on my FB wall. Some are local-how I treasure their weekly coffee trips and shopping excursions! There isn't a day that goes by that I don't thank God for my friends and family!
5. Bend the ear of a trained professional. Sometimes you need to talk someone who is separated from the situation. That was the case back in April, when I was going through a particularly difficult time in our journey. I knew that I needed to do something pro-active, and we began the search for a counselor for me. Some of you may wonder if I ended up with a Christian counselor. We selected a counselor from the list of preferred providers from our insurance, and to my knowledge, my counselor was not a Christian. However, God used her tremendously! She spent a considerable amount of time getting to know me, and immediately keyed in on the importance of God in my life and my recent difficulties communicating with Billy. She offered me Biblically sound advice the four times I saw her. For example, she told me to journal prayers to God if I couldn't speak them. She encouraged me not to shy away from social situations, to begin attending church again-even to get involved in a Bible study! Lastly, she encouraged me to be open with Billy regardless of the emotion I was feeling. I know that I took a risk seeing a non-Christian counselor at an especially vulnerable time in my Christian walk, and I'm not sure that I would recommend it. However, thank God it worked for me! That along with taking a mallet to our sitting room wall were extremely therapeutic measures that I took!
6. Laughter is (one of) the best medicine(s). Everyone needs to escape from the routine and trials of life at some point. I try to escape whenever my schedule allows me. I love to read, to shop, and to watch a good sitcom or comedic film. I am not one who likes to watch horror or action films. Give me a good romantic comedy; Billy is such a good sport. He knows when I am overdue for a good laugh. In fact, if the laugh can't be provided by Hollywood, he will find some creative way to make me laugh. Whether he answers the phone with a fake accent, dances down the aisle at Wallmart, or tries to tickle my feet. He is my personal clown, and life with him is fun and always a breath of fresh air!
I hope that my list is not too obnoxious. I am not saying that I've figured it all out or that I have all the answers in regards to dealing with infertility or other life disappointments. I can only share what has worked for me. One last thought: remember the saying,"this too shall pass"? That has also helped me during our eight year journey. I believe in my heart that there will come a time, hopefully in the not too distant future, that our home will be filled with the sound of baby laughs and filled with the aroma of poopy diapers. Not that I'm looking forward to the diapers, but I am trying to mentally prepare for them lol... I hope that you find some encouragement in my writings.
1. All things are possible with God. Handsdown the only way that I have been able to get through, infertility, loss, and other stressful, life altering events is through my faith in God. I am always reminded that God will never give us more than we can handle. I use to think, "Wow, God really thinks I'm a strong person. Otherwise He wouldn't have allowed me to go through infertility, loss, etc." In those moments I was tempted to become a little proud. Now I realize that He doesn't give us more than we can handle when we rely completely on Him. Surrendering to God is the key. Is it easy? No, do I still struggle with it? Yes, all the time! I think one of the best literary pieces that expresses this concept is the Footprints poem. Remember how there was just one set of footprints in the end? It's not because God got out of Dodge because the going was tough. He carries us through the difficult times! He wants to keep doing that for us!
2. "Talk to me". I think God feels that way about us. He wants us to talk to Him. He sees us fretting about situations, and instead of reopening the lines of communication with Him, we talk to others. (Not that God doesn't want us to do that too, but He should be our preference, the first person we go to in times of trouble.) During our struggle, I have been so angry with God that I had no desire to talk to Him. I was so hurt over unanswered prayer. As Christians, we cannot allow these feelings to fester and to develop a pattern in our life. It can ruin our relationship with God! I know; I've been there! I cannot encourage you enough that if you're there, you need to try to mend the relationship! How can that be done? I can only tell you what has worked for me. When too broken to pray, I journaled prayers to God. Somehow that was easier than speaking them. That helped re-open the lines of communication on my end. Then I would read the Bible and listen to sermons in order to hear what God had to say to me. Lastly, I allowed myself to be in a quiet place free from tv, people, and other distractions to reflect upon what I had read or heard. Sometimes God's voice is a quiet one (remember the story of Elijah?), so it's important to be quiet and listen for Him.
3. I chose wisely eleven years ago. I cannot state and reiterate enough the importance of choosing a spouse. In Billy I have found someone who is my partner (sometimes in crime-ha, just kidding), my best friend, a comforter, and a pep talker! If you know him, he is a cup- is- half full- type of guy. If you know me, you realize he is my polar opposite. I cannot imagine life being married to anyone else, or someone resembling myself-I would be in jail for murder lol!. Seriously, God knew what He was doing when he matched us up. As corny as it sounds, he completes me. My realism and his optimism somehow "works."
4. My peeps are the tops. It has also helped me tremendously to have the loving support of family and friends. The love of my family has been unconditional. I know that this struggle has been hard on every family member on some level-particularly on my parents and especially on my mom. If you know my mom, she is the ideal mom. Some of my friends joked that she was like June Cleaver. She always knew exactly what to say to make things better. However, dealing with our infertility has not been easy for her. Mom and I are so much a like, but in this one area of my life, there's no way she (or anyone else who hasn't experienced infertility first hand) can truly empathize. I use to get so mad when people said the wrong thing or made me feel uncomfortable, including the people closest to me! It would hurt me to the core, and I would tell my mom about it. She would sympathize, but she always reminded me of the importance of grace. In addition, I have been incredibly blessed to have many dear friends along with me during this journey. Some are old friends, though we are separated by miles, they make their presence known by shooting me an email or writing on my FB wall. Some are local-how I treasure their weekly coffee trips and shopping excursions! There isn't a day that goes by that I don't thank God for my friends and family!
5. Bend the ear of a trained professional. Sometimes you need to talk someone who is separated from the situation. That was the case back in April, when I was going through a particularly difficult time in our journey. I knew that I needed to do something pro-active, and we began the search for a counselor for me. Some of you may wonder if I ended up with a Christian counselor. We selected a counselor from the list of preferred providers from our insurance, and to my knowledge, my counselor was not a Christian. However, God used her tremendously! She spent a considerable amount of time getting to know me, and immediately keyed in on the importance of God in my life and my recent difficulties communicating with Billy. She offered me Biblically sound advice the four times I saw her. For example, she told me to journal prayers to God if I couldn't speak them. She encouraged me not to shy away from social situations, to begin attending church again-even to get involved in a Bible study! Lastly, she encouraged me to be open with Billy regardless of the emotion I was feeling. I know that I took a risk seeing a non-Christian counselor at an especially vulnerable time in my Christian walk, and I'm not sure that I would recommend it. However, thank God it worked for me! That along with taking a mallet to our sitting room wall were extremely therapeutic measures that I took!
6. Laughter is (one of) the best medicine(s). Everyone needs to escape from the routine and trials of life at some point. I try to escape whenever my schedule allows me. I love to read, to shop, and to watch a good sitcom or comedic film. I am not one who likes to watch horror or action films. Give me a good romantic comedy; Billy is such a good sport. He knows when I am overdue for a good laugh. In fact, if the laugh can't be provided by Hollywood, he will find some creative way to make me laugh. Whether he answers the phone with a fake accent, dances down the aisle at Wallmart, or tries to tickle my feet. He is my personal clown, and life with him is fun and always a breath of fresh air!
I hope that my list is not too obnoxious. I am not saying that I've figured it all out or that I have all the answers in regards to dealing with infertility or other life disappointments. I can only share what has worked for me. One last thought: remember the saying,"this too shall pass"? That has also helped me during our eight year journey. I believe in my heart that there will come a time, hopefully in the not too distant future, that our home will be filled with the sound of baby laughs and filled with the aroma of poopy diapers. Not that I'm looking forward to the diapers, but I am trying to mentally prepare for them lol... I hope that you find some encouragement in my writings.
Monday, December 13, 2010
"Everything's Beautiful"
During the holidays, we tend to be a bit more introspective. When Thanksgiving rolls around, we wonder how the year could have passed us by so quickly. The empty chair at Thanksgiving dinner tends to remind us of loved ones that we have lost. I have been thinking about my grandfather Louie so much lately. He had an expression that was his second most common catch phrase: "Everything's Beautiful."
There were times when he asked "Is Everything Beautiful?," and I was tempted to give him a grocery list of reasons why it wasn't. I came so close to saying something like, "Actually, Grandpa, I'm pretty stressed out. Life is crazy. I'm not sure I can keep the plates spinning. I don't know if we'll ever have kids. I don't know if I'll ever be able to get pregnant..." There was always something that stopped me from my rant. Deep down I knew that I am blessed: God loves me despite my faults, I have a wonderful, loving husband (who has the patience of Job), I am surrounded by loving, supportive family and friends, and I have my health (though I'm often convinced that I don't. A little hypochondria humor).
The holidays are still a struggle for me. Each year I hope and I pray that this is our last childless Christmas. There is such a temptation to resort to a pity party. Instead of falling into that pit, I am trying to focus on what I have to be thankful for instead of what I do not have. That is the key to being content. Life does seem more beautiful when you are content. When I am alone, I try not to think about how lonely I may feel or how disappointed I am that our spare bedrooms aren't filled to the brim with kiddos. I am trying to appreciate the quiet moments I have to reflect upon my day and to talk to God. As I snuggle into my recliner with a cup of peppermint tea, away from the craziness of the holiday season, I am overcome with the feeling that "everything's beautiful." By the way, my grandpa's primary catch phrase was "Christ Is the Answer." My Grandpa Louie was a very wise man.
There were times when he asked "Is Everything Beautiful?," and I was tempted to give him a grocery list of reasons why it wasn't. I came so close to saying something like, "Actually, Grandpa, I'm pretty stressed out. Life is crazy. I'm not sure I can keep the plates spinning. I don't know if we'll ever have kids. I don't know if I'll ever be able to get pregnant..." There was always something that stopped me from my rant. Deep down I knew that I am blessed: God loves me despite my faults, I have a wonderful, loving husband (who has the patience of Job), I am surrounded by loving, supportive family and friends, and I have my health (though I'm often convinced that I don't. A little hypochondria humor).
The holidays are still a struggle for me. Each year I hope and I pray that this is our last childless Christmas. There is such a temptation to resort to a pity party. Instead of falling into that pit, I am trying to focus on what I have to be thankful for instead of what I do not have. That is the key to being content. Life does seem more beautiful when you are content. When I am alone, I try not to think about how lonely I may feel or how disappointed I am that our spare bedrooms aren't filled to the brim with kiddos. I am trying to appreciate the quiet moments I have to reflect upon my day and to talk to God. As I snuggle into my recliner with a cup of peppermint tea, away from the craziness of the holiday season, I am overcome with the feeling that "everything's beautiful." By the way, my grandpa's primary catch phrase was "Christ Is the Answer." My Grandpa Louie was a very wise man.
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